Another update from the Jungle….
Dawn, the Chief Talent Officer for her company is happy for the first time in months. The election is over! The chips have fallen. She no longer cares who won.
She drives to work humming Roy Orbison’s song “It’s Over” and planning an impromptu TGIO (Thank God It’s Over) party for the lunch hour. Her good mood lasts all the way to the employee parking lot.
The parking lot is partially blocked by a group of employees. Half the crowd is jubilant because their candidate won. The other 
half is snarling that the election was rigged. Dawn sighs deeply and wades into the group, greeting everyone by name. To encourage them to actually enter the building, she promises something “special” for lunch at company expense.
Dawn’s day goes further into a hole when she finds Helen, the Voice of Doom, camped out at her office door. Helen claims she saw rioters storming through her neighborhood as she drove to work. Dawn privately wishes Helen would join the riot. Aloud she suggests that Helen should go to her cubicle and sit quietly, waiting for martial law to be declared so that it is safe to drive home.
Dawn calls a local bakery to order a cake for the impromptu TGIO party. Apparently, many people are having TGIO parties because the bakery sold out of cakes. Dawn orders a mix of crème puffs and cookies. She is determined to have a cheerful lunch.
Allen, the Philosopher King, pops into her doorway as she hangs up the phone. He wants to talk about the 
difference between the popular vote and the Electoral College vote. Dawn cuts him off in mid-sentence. She has a really important job for him, she says. She needs him to go to the local big box store to buy supplies for the party. She’ll reimburse him, she promises.
Rory, the Prez, hurtles in to Dawn’s office practically frothing at the mouth. Half the workforce failed to show up this morning due to an excess of alcohol consumed last night while they watched the election returns. He can’t run a business without employees. Heads must roll!
What should Dawn do next?
- She can wait for the Prez to hyperventilate and then continue planning her party.
- She can promise him first dibs on the crème puffs and cookies.
- She can suggest that the employees be given some leeway on absenteeism due to the special circumstance of a hotly contested election.
Have a TGIO party to celebrate the end of this election cycle.
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Dawn, the Chief Talent Officer for her company, is slogging through the remaining weeks of the political campaign. She hates what it’s done to her job. This week she’s thinking of changing her title to Chief Tortured Officer
to show up every morning to depress Dawn with her worries that the election will degenerate into violence and mayhem.
The workforce is as divided as the nation and it’s getting ugly. Yesterday Rory broke up a fight in the employee parking lot. The Trump and Clinton supporters were trying to rip the opposing candidate’s stickers off car bumpers. Rory waded in, knocked a few heads together and ordered everyone back to work.
t the candidates and their families. Then they stand around arguing about what they’ve read.
Once upon a time, Rudy and Trish, a warlock and a witch, lived in a ranch-style suburban home next door to a werewolf named Jerry. A few times a year Rudy put a hex on Jerry for tearing up Trish’s flower beds during the full
Life is great until Ryan the leprechaun is hired at Screams R Us. Ryan brags about his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He has iPhone photos of a pot of gold. Before long his co-workers are tired of him. If he’s so rich, why the heck is he working at a big box store annoying them?
m sofa.
ash register. She misses Ryan and hits Jerry who now looks like he has mange.
Dawn is the HR manager for her company. Five years ago, her title was HR Director. Then it was changed to Chief People Officer before changing again to Chief Talent Officer. These days, she thinks her title ought to be Chief Therapist.
election. She’s investigated several complaints of discrimination and sexual harassment as everyone becomes hyper-sensitive in response to the latest election news headline. A recent example is Monica who complained of a hostile workplace and named Steve as the perpetrator.
Dawn’s investigation findings are underwhelming. It turns out that twice in as many days, Steve drank the last cup of coffee and didn’t start a new pot brewing. Monica thinks he did it deliberately to disrespect women by forcing a woman to brew a new pot. Steve says he was in a hurry and simply forgot. He says Monica hates him because he was promoted before her. Dawn tells Monica and Steve in polite HR-speak to grow up.
Doom. Helen comes to Dawn’s office every morning with a coffee mug the size of a soup bowl, plops down in the spare chair and doesn’t leave until she needs a refill. Helen is a worrier. Her latest worry is that the political arguments among co-workers will degenerate into fist fights. She says she doesn’t feel safe walking around the office.
Helen could hide in her cubicle actually doing her job and ignoring the political fights around her, suggests Dawn. Helen explains for five minutes exactly why that wouldn’t work for her. Dawn asks if Helen wants to use accrued vacation days to stay at home. Helen says she doesn’t have enough accrued leave to stay home for the next three weeks and drifts away for a refill.
Alana always felt like a misfit, so when she started her own business, she decided to hire people like herself. Alana’s company sells works of art ranging from paintings to furniture. Oddballs seem to be more at home in the world of unique “art”.
They instantly boosted sales due to their smooth handling of customers. Art wasn’t the only thing they sold at Alana’s shop. Evan and Elsie had a side business growing high quality marijuana. To encourage sales, they invited customers to sample the good in the parking lot behind the shop.
Shrieking like a banshee, she chased off the customers. Then she explained to Evan and Elsie that de-criminalizing marijuana was not the same thing as legalizing it. She threatened
But as the company expanded, new employees lacked the camaraderie of the ones who had helped build the business. Adding employees meant more personality conflicts and scheduling difficulties. Bobbye wanted to add some structure to the company by creating HR policies to ensure everyone understood what was expected of them.
Bobbye decided to change the brand of coffee for the office. A day after the change, Billy walked in to the break room, saw the new brand name, and hurled the coffee can across the room into the garbage can. Now Billy and Bobbye don’t talk to each other in the office. They relay messages through employees. Their employees used to call them B&B or B-squared. Now it’s Bombs Away.
employee perks, starting with the health plan. He tells employees they will have to begin contributing to the premium. Cutting back on perksannoys the employees and Bobbye.
Even free beer at the Friday Afternoon Frazzle can’t attract most employees because they feel so uncomfortable around Billy and Bobbye. The least bright employees are choosing sides. The smarter employees are trying to stay neutral. The smartest employees have already bailed out for more stable workplaces. On its present trajectory, the company will implode.
team managed a product line worth more than all the rest of the products managed by Leo’s division. Luckily for Ted, he appealed to Oscar.
Now Leo and Ted are trying to screw each other’s careers by sucking up to Oscar. They suck up by inviting Oscar to happy hour. Oscar appreciates having Leo or Ted cover his bar tab. But all these soggy nights mean that productivity is suffering as Leo and Ted slide into alcoholism.
senior management team about Leo’s and Ted’s potential disability due to alcoholism.
named Trish was searching for true love. Like so many others, she found it at the office. Her Prince Charming was John, Vin another division of the company. John was also looking for true love having just wrapped up a nasty divorce with his former true love
Trish met John at the office Christmas Party and thought he was a jerk. She changed her mind at the summer picnic when she saw him playing with his kids and lobbing water balloons at other managers. John looked like an Olympic athlete compared to some of the other managers.
As in a fairytale, when a workplace romance fizzles people behave badly. John stopped responding to her emails and text messages. He also told Trish’s boss that Trish could never work in his division again because she was a lousy worker. Meanwhile, Trish’s performance nosedived as she realized her fairy tale was fizzling.
In the actual situation, the manager was counseled for violating HR policies and wrecked his chances at a promotion. The woman accepted a settlement of her claims and left the company still looking for true love.
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