Month: November 2016

They’re Out to Get Me!

Another update from the Jungle….

unnamed-22Dexter’s always prided himself on being a team player.  He’s lost count of the number of times he covered for his boss, Dale, or stayed late to finish a project on a short deadline.

Dexter didn’t mind putting in the extra effort. He got a pay raise last year and the company reimburses part of his cell phone bill to cover the cost of keeping up with business emails on his personal cell phone.unnamed-21

Along the way, Dexter always had an uneasy relationship with the HR manager, Wendy. She seemed personally insulted last year when Dale agreed to bump Dexter’s pay.  A few months ago, Wendy posted a job ad with a job description that looks suspiciously like Dexter’s job.

unnamed-23Dexter found the job ad on the internet after he noticed a stack of resumes to Dale’s desk during one of their meetings. Dexter asked if the company was planning to expand the department by adding a new hire. Dale’s wishy-washy response leaves Dexter less than convinced that he has his boss’ support.

Then Wendy tells Dexter that he won’t receive any reimbursement for his cell phone bill because the company is cutting costs. She also says that Dexter shouldn’t work “off the clock” by checking emails after hours.

Dexter is feeling paranoid about his job security. He decides to take a few vacation days to clear his head. This morniunnamed-26ng when he returned to work, he couldn’t sign on to the company database.  He frantically called tech support and learned that the company’s systems were subjected to a cyberattack and his passwords must be reset. Dexter would have known if he’d checked his business emails which he now refuses to do since he lost his reimbursement.

Now Dexter’s paranoid and mad as heck. He’s convinced that Wendy is trying to push him out the door to give his job to one of her friends. He’s mad at Dale for not going to bat for him.

What are Dexter’s options

  1. He can allow his paranoia to grow until he sees little green men running around the office.
  2. He can create a fake resume for Wendy and send it to every job posting he can find on the internet.
  3. He can begin looking for another job where he’ll feel appreciated.

In the actual situation, the paranoid employee decided to wait before making any major job decisions. However, he joined several professional groups so that he could enhance his network in preparation for the day when he needed to move on.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

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Thanksgiving Magic

unnamed-7Another update from the Jungle….

Rudy and Trish, a warlock and a witch, decided to host a Thanksgiving party this year for friends and family.  After checking the calendar to verify the date of the full moon, they invite Jerry, the werewolf next door.

They also invite a few co-workers from their job at Screams R Us.  Ryan, the leprechaun, is invited after several arguments. Trish reminds Rudy that the leprechaun had given them each a gold piece and the Halloween truce is holding. So Ryan gets his invitation.unnamed-11

Several of Trish’s cousins fly in on their broomsticks the day before Thanksgiving. Normally they fly on Southwest Airlines, but Mercedes couldn’t bear the thought of standing in the long lines at airport security only to be cooped up with screaming children on a plane.

unnamed-14Mercedes announces upon arrival that she is now a vegan and won’t be eating any meat or animal-based foods. Rudy rolls his eyes at Trish, as if to say, she’s not from my side of the family.

Jerry is the first of the non-family guests to arrive since he only has to cross the lawn from the house next door. Mercedes thinks he’s sexy. She invites him to sit next to her on the sofa and explains how her life has improved since she dumped her second husband and took up veganism. Jerry squirms and looks around for someone to save him

He is saved by the arrival of Ryan, who’s already half crocked on Irish whiskey.  Whiskey always has a mellowing effect on Ryan until his belligerent phase sets in. Within minutes, he’s flirting with Mercedes. Ten minutes later Ryan’s leaping around thunnamed-13e living room teaching Mercedes an Irish jig.

Thanksgiving dinner is a rollicking affair with Ryan belting out bawdy songs between courses. Jerry joins in with a few songs of his own. Soon they are serenading the table between sips from Ryan’s bottle of special Irish blend.

unnamed-10Trish is outraged. She’s spent all week preparing a feast and no one’s eating. Trish summons her powers to put a spell on Ryan. Unfortunately, the spell clashes with the copious amounts of whiskey he’s imbibed. Ryan becomes belligerent.

A belligerent leprechaun in a room full of witches and warlocks is not good. Spells and counter spells fly around the room. The lights flash like a disco ball and the table begins to levitate.Before the entire house is trashed, Ryan falls down in a drunken stupor and goes to sleep. The witches and warlocks use magic to clean up the mess and Trish serves dessert.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

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Thank God It’s Over!

Another update from the Jungle….

unnamedDawn, the Chief Talent Officer for her company is happy for the first time in months.  The election is over! The chips have fallen.  She no longer cares who won.

She drives to work humming Roy Orbison’s song “It’s Over” and planning an impromptu TGIO (Thank God It’s Over) party for the lunch hour.  Her good mood lasts all the way to the employee parking lot.

The parking lot is partially blocked by a group of employees. Half the crowd is jubilant because their candidate won. The other unnamedhalf is snarling that the election was rigged.  Dawn sighs deeply and wades into the group, greeting everyone by name. To encourage them to actually enter the building, she promises something “special” for lunch at company expense.

Dawn’s day goes further into a hole when she finds Helen, the Voice of Doom, camped out at her office door. Helen claims she saw rioters storming through her neighborhood as she drove to work. Dawn privately wishes Helen would join the riot. Aloud she suggests that Helen should go to her cubicle and sit quietly, waiting for martial law to be declared so that it is safe to drive home.

unnamed-2Dawn calls a local bakery to order a cake for the impromptu TGIO party. Apparently, many people are having TGIO parties because the bakery sold out of cakes. Dawn orders a mix of crème puffs and cookies. She is determined to have a cheerful lunch.

Allen, the Philosopher King, pops into her doorway as she hangs up the phone. He wants to talk about the unnamed-4difference between the popular vote and the Electoral College vote.  Dawn cuts him off in mid-sentence. She has a really important job for him, she says. She needs him to go to the local big box store to buy supplies for the party. She’ll reimburse him, she promises.

Rory, the Prez, hurtles in to Dawn’s office practically frothing at the mouth.  Half the workforce failed to show up this morning due to an excess of alcohol consumed last night while they watched the election returns. He can’t run a business without employees. Heads must roll!

What should Dawn do next?

  1. She can wait for the Prez to hyperventilate and then continue planning her party.
  2. She can promise him first dibs on the crème puffs and cookies.
  3. She can suggest that the employees be given some leeway on absenteeism due to the special circumstance of a hotly contested election.

Have a TGIO party to celebrate the end of this election cycle.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

Join the HR Compliance Jungle today. Click here!

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I’m Mad as Heck about the Election!

Another update from the Jungle….
unnamed-4Dawn, the Chief Talent Officer for her company, is slogging through the remaining weeks of the political campaign. She hates what it’s done to her job. This week she’s thinking of changing her title to Chief Tortured Officer

Helen, the Voice of Doom, didn’t take the hint a couple of weeks ago when Dawn tried to politely tell her to get lost. Helen continues unnamed-6to show up every morning to depress Dawn with her worries that the election will degenerate into violence and mayhem.

After Helen leaves Allen, the Philosopher King, drifts in the door.  His garbled theories on democracy in America sound profound until you listen closely. Then you realize he’s just fogging up the room with BS. Besides Dawn couldn’t care less.

She has a real political crisis this week. She’s been summoned to the President’s office. Rory, the Prez, also wants to discuss the election and what it means for the office.  Rory’s channeling Jack Nicholson’s “Colonel Jessup” from “A Few Good Men” pacing the office and growling.

unnamed-15The workforce is as divided as the nation and it’s getting ugly. Yesterday Rory broke up a fight in the employee parking lot. The Trump and Clinton supporters were trying to rip the opposing candidate’s stickers off car bumpers.  Rory waded in, knocked a few heads together and ordered everyone back to work.

He’s not worried about a little fight in the parking lot. He’s mad as heck that no one seems to be working.  The company’s internet connections are smoking hot as workers visit “news” sites to hear the latest salacious details abouunnamed-14t the candidates and their families. Then they stand around arguing about what they’ve read.

Rory glares at Dawn and asks if he can fire a few people to set an example for everyone else. Dawn begins to explain (again) about the progressive discipline policy. Rory cuts her off.  If he can’t fire anyone, can he ban politics from he workplace?

What advice should Dawn give the Prez?

  1. She can give him a quick civics lesson about free speech.
  2. She can draft an email for him to send to all employees reminding them to do their jobs while on the clock.
  3. She can suggest that he should visit the gym more often to work off his aggression and grit his teeth for one more week.

The good news is that presidential elections happen every four years and we’ve got one more week to go.  Then we’ll all go back to arguing about sports.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

Join the HR Compliance Jungle today. Click here!

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