Month: March 2018

When Crazy People Collide

Another update from the Jungle…..

Rick is a nut. Everyone knows that he’s a nut. He’s also the founder of the company. Marie is becoming a nut, trying to limit the damage he creates. She’s the HR representative for the company. Being the HR rep for a nut is a very difficult job.

Rick says he likes to “go with his gut,” leading to impulsive decisions, like changing the company’s vision statement and branding every couple of months. But his craziest decision was hiring Jack as the operations manager. Jack has no management skills and spends most of his time preening in front of the mirror in his office or chatting to the most impressionable females in the office.

Soon, Jack begins to think he actually knows how to do his job and pushes his ideas for improving productivity. His ego expands to fill the room which doesn’t leave enough space for Rick’s ego. Staff meetings are now a minefield with Rick sniping at Jack and Jack making snarky comments. As Rick and Jack compete to win every argument, co-workers compete to stay closest to the door to escape ground zero when the egomaniacs go nuclear.

The end of Jack arrives swiftly and brutally. At this morning’s staff meeting, he disagrees with Rick on the new design for the company logo. Rick is outraged because he designed the new logo. He roars that Jack is disloyal. Jack replies that Rick is crazy, causing Rick to froth at the mouth with rage. Rick leaps across the table to throttle Jack.  Jack swings a fist at Rick’s jaw, misses and sprawls on the conference room table.

Co-workers flee for their lives. Behind them in the conference room, Rick screams “you’re fired!” as Jack bellows “I quit!” Marie is the only employee remaining in the room with them. She empties a pitcher of water on them to interrupt their fight before they can break the furniture. Now, Marie is completing the termination paperwork for Jack, who is whining about the unfairness of the world and Rick’s insanity.

What should Marie do next?

  1. She should include directions to the nearest liquor store in her exit interview, so Jack can quickly drown his sorrows on his way to the unemployment line.
  2. She should consider changing careers to something less stressful, like bronco rider or high-school teacher.
  3. She should give Jack some career advice on how to disagree with the nut in charge.

Some workplace problems simply can’t be fixed by HR staff. Employees who work for a nut must decide whether to continue working for the company or to leave for greener pastures.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

Ebook Link

Join the HR Compliance Jungle today. Click here!

Follow us on Facebook & Twitter!

Visit our website! 

Advertisements

Can We Speed It Up?

Another update from the Jungle…..

Susie shuffles into the conference room and slumps into a chair. Her boss, Alan, smiles from the other end of the table. He believes that Susie is a dedicated worker because she always arrives early for staff meetings. If he only knew! Susie shows up early to get a seat in the corner away from Alan so he won’t notice her total lack of interest.

Slowly, other employees shuffle in. They know the meeting will drag on with lots of wasted time, so there’s no point to being prompt. Alan continues waiting for the stragglers while Dana tells an inane story about her recent trip to the dog groomer. Alan finally calls the staff meeting to order twenty minutes late. He raises his voice to be heard over shuffling papers and private conversations.

Susie slumps lower in her seat. Next to her, David holds his phone below the table’s edge, playing Candy Crush. Susie glances around the table at her fellow sufferers. Tim and Cary are silently laughing at the same time, proof they are texting each other again.

A couple of months ago, Susie suggested timing speakers in hopes of speeding up the meetings. Alan was cool to the idea, probably because he likes to make rambling speeches himself. The worst offender is Dana, who says “um” and “uh” constantly while shuffling her papers and saying “what else did I do”, as if anyone cares. Susie decides that if Dana is as disorganized at home, she feels sorry for the dog.

Fred’s the lucky one. He’s temporarily banned from staff meetings after suddenly lurching to his feet while Dana was speaking and shouting, “I can’t take it anymore! Shut up, already!” Now, he cruises past the glass door to smirk at his co-workers who are stuck in the business equivalent of hell.

What options does Susie have to maintain her sanity through lengthy pointless staff meetings?

  1. She can suddenly roll off her chair onto the floor, feigning death in hopes that ends the meeting.
  2. She can play Candy Crush on her cell phone.
  3. She can accept that nothing will change and learn meditation techniques that enhance patience.

There are many ways to handle internal meetings, such as staff meetings to avoid wasting time. One method used by a retired Army general while working for a major retailer was to remove the chairs from the meeting room, forcing everyone to stand and deliver. His meetings ran on time and ended promptly after 15 minutes.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

Ebook Link

Join the HR Compliance Jungle today. Click here!

Follow us on Facebook & Twitter!

Visit our website! 

Spring Fever

Another update from the Jungle…..

It’s been a long, hard winter at Melanie’s company, with employees stuck in snow drifts or struck down by the flu. Melanie began wondering if her company could survive as deadlines were missed due to under-staffing.

Then, the sun came out, forsythia and daffodils began blooming. Trees showed an aureole of red as they began budding. People shed their heavy winter coats. Alas! A cold snap killed the daffodils, and left everyone twitchy as spring never seemed to arrive.

Dan’s an optimist, and he’s been trying to think at work and practice his golf swing simultaneously, getting ready for spring. Two days ago, as he thought about his brilliant ideas, he swung higher and faster. Suddenly, a horrible thud echoed through the office, followed by a crash and a scream.

Melanie dashed out of her office to find Randy sprawled on the floor, clutching his bleeding face. Dan knelt beside him, trying to stop the bleeding while stuffing his golf club under his desk. Melanie hauled Randy to his feet and marched him out the door to her car to drive him to the emergency room. Hours later, she returned to report that Randy needed stitches but would be okay. She banished Dan’s golf clubs from the office unless they were locked, out of sight, in his personal vehicle.

Today, Randy returned to work and accused Dan of trying to kill him. While Melanie tried to mediate their fight, she heard Karla yelling at Teresa about stinky take-out food. Teresa retorted that her garlicky take-out was less offensive than Karla’s cheap perfume fumigating the place, and then proceeded to point out Karla’s dark roots showing because she was too cheap to pay for a salon dye job.

Melanie sailed in to separate Karla and Teresa, closely followed by Dan and Randy, hoping to see the office equivalent of a mud wrestling match. Eventually, everyone grumpily returned to their desks to sulk.

What can Melanie do to alleviate her employees’ spring fever?

  1. She can sit in her office, occasionally venting a primal scream of frustration, and hope that scares her employees into doing their jobs.
  2. She can buy cheap rum and fruit juice for her staff and tell them to pretend they’re on a beach in an island paradise.
  3. She can plan an impromptu outing to take her employees’ minds off their troubles as they wait for spring to actually arrive.

Everyone gets cabin fever waiting for sunshine and getting outdoors after months of dreariness and cold weather. HR and management can help with morale boosters to lift everyone’s spirits.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

Ebook Link

Join the HR Compliance Jungle today. Click here!

Follow us on Facebook & Twitter!

Visit our website! 

I Need a Job, But Not That One

Another update from the Jungle…..

Nancy has been the HR manager at her company for several years. Over that time, she’s looked at scores of resumes and interviewed many job applicants. She has a lot of practice since her employer tends to have less than ideal employee practices, leading to a revolving door.

Nancy converted her experience into a thriving hobby of helping friends of friends and family to spiff up their resumes and practice interviewing techniques. She thinks of her unofficial placement service as passive resistance to her company’s less than stellar notions of how to treat employees. Her boss thinks she’s brilliant at spotting talent without realizing that her hobby is the source of the candidates she uncovers.

Last week Nancy agreed to meet with Mercedes, who recently moved to town and would like some help with her job search. Mercedes shows up ten minutes late. Mercedes says her family moved to town about six months ago, and she’d like a job that allows her to use her college degree in marine biology.

That’s unfortunate, thinks Nancy, since they live in a land-locked state, a time-zone away from the ocean. Nancy takes another look at Mercedes’s resume to see whether any of her work experience might be transferable to another industry. Mercedes volunteers that she’s had a couple of job interviews but they weren’t “right” for her. What wasn’t right about them? asks Nancy.

Mercedes says the first company requires some evening and weekend work, but she wants her weekends free. The other interview was with a company in a neighboring suburb. Mercedes doesn’t want to sit in traffic, and besides, the salary they offered was too low. She’s really hoping for a job that pays a salary comparable to what she made on the west coast.

Mercedes rambles on for several more minutes on what she wants from her future employer. She has a garbled explanation of why every suggestion made by Nancy won’t work for her situation. Gradually, Nancy realizes that Mercedes has just wandered on to earth from a distant planet.

How might Nancy advise Mercedes?

  1. She can tell Mercedes to have a nice life and bail on her.
  2. She can suggest that Mercedes look for a modern day Daddy Warbucks to take care of her.
  3. She can give Mercedes a few pointers on refining her job search to increase the chance of finding a job she wants.

HR managers (and small business owners) expend many hours reading resumes from job seekers who aren’t clear about what they want to do. Some decide to outsource the task to placement services.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

Ebook Link

Join the HR Compliance Jungle today. Click here!

Follow us on Facebook & Twitter!

Visit our website!