Another update from the Jungle…..
Louise strolled into the office on Thursday morning humming quietly to herself. She was looking forward to seeing the Halloween costumes that her team would wear. She tried to imagine how some of them would top their everyday attire.
Jake dresses in black and changes his hair color each month. His current orange mop makes him look like a black post with a pumpkin stuck on top. Bill wears ratty old clothes that even Goodwill would throw in the rag pile.
Her new sales manager, Emma, is a self-identified witch who dresses in gauzy flowing outfits. Since taking over sales, revenue is up, customer complaints are down, and there are no past due accounts. Louise has heard rumors that the owners of slow paying clients develop extremely painful rashes, but she’s not asking any questions.
The office was quiet when Louise arrived. As she walked past Jake’s work area, a sticky note caught her eye. The note said, “Pay up by Friday or the pig gets it!” Louise stared at the note, aghast. Was one of her employee’s being blackmailed?
She needed to fortify herself with a double espresso from the coffee shop next door. As she waited to be served she remembered that she hadn’t locked the office door. So she hurried back to the office.
As she walked through the door, she heard Emma sobbing noisily and saw her cradling a box. Emma thrust the box at Louise, tearfully babbling about a murder with poison. Louise looked in the box. It was a dead rat. “Eek”, squealed Louise falling back a pace.
Louise inched away from Emma until she could turn and dash to her office. She needed more than a double espresso. She needed a slug of the single malt whiskey left over from a client event while she thought about what she had seen. Had one of Emma’s potions gone hideously wrong? Was another witch using dark arts against Emma? Would company sales nosedive while Emma mourned a dead rat?
That was the start of an internal investigation which left Louise dazed at how much happened in her company without her knowing about it. Jake and Bill had a lucrative side business playing poker. At a recent poker night hosted by Jake, Bill stole a stuffed pig sitting next to Jake’s computer. After a series of Instagram posts showing the stuffed pig suspended over a Crockpot of steaming liquids, Bill left the ransom note at Jake’s desk.
The investigation also revealed that the dead rat was Emma’s beloved Patches. Emma had brought her dead rat to work while she waited for her vet’s office to open. The necropsy (animal autopsy) revealed that Patches died due to a weak heart; he hadn’t been murdered with poison.
Sometimes HR isn’t as scary as it seems at first glance. Happy Halloween!
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Once upon a time, an inexperienced HR Manager named Katie suggested to the company owner Phil that they have a Halloween party. Phil remembered past office parties and hesitated to risk the company’s liability insurance premiums on another such event. It’ll boost morale, assured Katie, and so, Phil said yes.
Katie says she’ll think about it and shoos Misty away. Katie slumps at her desk wondering whether the EEOC considers white witches a protected religious group. While she’s cogitating on religious freedom in the workplace, Wade shows up. He says office parties are stupid and he won’t participate. If the company wants to boost his morale, he’d prefer cash.
Ray shows up at the party dressed as an Aztec sacrificial victim with a fake heart poking out of his chest, dripping fake blood. Ray doesn’t understand why Moises, a Mexican-American, thinks the costume is culturally insensitive. Katie dashes toward them intent on preventing a fight but rocks to a halt when she catches sight of Alan. Alan had arrived wrapped in a blanket, wearing an Indian war bonnet with psychedelic pink feathers.
Before Katie can indulge in hysterics, she discovers that AJ, the scary guy from IT, has a fetish for knives and marijuana-laced brownies. Since marijuana is now legal in some states, “What’s the big deal?” says AJ, snatching the tray from Katie before she can dispose of the brownies.
Another update from the Jungle….
Mercedes announces upon arrival that she is now a vegan and won’t be eating any meat or animal-based foods. Rudy rolls his eyes at Trish, as if to say, she’s not from my side of the family.
e living room teaching Mercedes an Irish jig.
Trish is outraged. She’s spent all week preparing a feast and no one’s eating. Trish summons her powers to put a spell on Ryan. Unfortunately, the spell clashes with the copious amounts of whiskey he’s imbibed. Ryan becomes belligerent.
Once upon a time, Rudy and Trish, a warlock and a witch, lived in a ranch-style suburban home next door to a werewolf named Jerry. A few times a year Rudy put a hex on Jerry for tearing up Trish’s flower beds during the full
Life is great until Ryan the leprechaun is hired at Screams R Us. Ryan brags about his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He has iPhone photos of a pot of gold. Before long his co-workers are tired of him. If he’s so rich, why the heck is he working at a big box store annoying them?
m sofa.
ash register. She misses Ryan and hits Jerry who now looks like he has mange.
HR Compliance Jungle 