Another update from the Jungle….
Dawn, the Chief Talent Officer for her company, is slogging through the remaining weeks of the political campaign. She hates what it’s done to her job. This week she’s thinking of changing her title to Chief Tortured Officer
Helen, the Voice of Doom, didn’t take the hint a couple of weeks ago when Dawn tried to politely tell her to get lost. Helen continues 
to show up every morning to depress Dawn with her worries that the election will degenerate into violence and mayhem.
After Helen leaves Allen, the Philosopher King, drifts in the door. His garbled theories on democracy in America sound profound until you listen closely. Then you realize he’s just fogging up the room with BS. Besides Dawn couldn’t care less.
She has a real political crisis this week. She’s been summoned to the President’s office. Rory, the Prez, also wants to discuss the election and what it means for the office. Rory’s channeling Jack Nicholson’s “Colonel Jessup” from “A Few Good Men” pacing the office and growling.
The workforce is as divided as the nation and it’s getting ugly. Yesterday Rory broke up a fight in the employee parking lot. The Trump and Clinton supporters were trying to rip the opposing candidate’s stickers off car bumpers. Rory waded in, knocked a few heads together and ordered everyone back to work.
He’s not worried about a little fight in the parking lot. He’s mad as heck that no one seems to be working. The company’s internet connections are smoking hot as workers visit “news” sites to hear the latest salacious details abou
t the candidates and their families. Then they stand around arguing about what they’ve read.
Rory glares at Dawn and asks if he can fire a few people to set an example for everyone else. Dawn begins to explain (again) about the progressive discipline policy. Rory cuts her off. If he can’t fire anyone, can he ban politics from he workplace?
What advice should Dawn give the Prez?
- She can give him a quick civics lesson about free speech.
- She can draft an email for him to send to all employees reminding them to do their jobs while on the clock.
- She can suggest that he should visit the gym more often to work off his aggression and grit his teeth for one more week.
The good news is that presidential elections happen every four years and we’ve got one more week to go. Then we’ll all go back to arguing about sports.
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Alana always felt like a misfit, so when she started her own business, she decided to hire people like herself. Alana’s company sells works of art ranging from paintings to furniture. Oddballs seem to be more at home in the world of unique “art”.
They instantly boosted sales due to their smooth handling of customers. Art wasn’t the only thing they sold at Alana’s shop. Evan and Elsie had a side business growing high quality marijuana. To encourage sales, they invited customers to sample the good in the parking lot behind the shop.
Shrieking like a banshee, she chased off the customers. Then she explained to Evan and Elsie that de-criminalizing marijuana was not the same thing as legalizing it. She threatened
named Trish was searching for true love. Like so many others, she found it at the office. Her Prince Charming was John, Vin another division of the company. John was also looking for true love having just wrapped up a nasty divorce with his former true love
Trish met John at the office Christmas Party and thought he was a jerk. She changed her mind at the summer picnic when she saw him playing with his kids and lobbing water balloons at other managers. John looked like an Olympic athlete compared to some of the other managers.
As in a fairytale, when a workplace romance fizzles people behave badly. John stopped responding to her emails and text messages. He also told Trish’s boss that Trish could never work in his division again because she was a lousy worker. Meanwhile, Trish’s performance nosedived as she realized her fairy tale was fizzling.
In the actual situation, the manager was counseled for violating HR policies and wrecked his chances at a promotion. The woman accepted a settlement of her claims and left the company still looking for true love.
assigned to work with the HR department because the other lawyers don’t want to. She inherits a file cabinet full of pending EEOC discrimination claims. Another giant file cabinet contains investigation notes of employee theft cases. Apparently anything not too big or nailed down tight is carried off by employees. 
Ted runs a company that provides website and social media support for small businesses. Ted grew up in the advertising business when it looked a bit like “Mad Men” and some of his habits are outdated. His most annoying habit is using nicknames.
Recently, Ted agreed with his team that they needed to give back to the community by offering an internship to local college students. Judy is the first intern they hire. She’s a marketing major with an endless curiosity about all aspects of the business and a willingness to learn. Ted calls her the Elephant’s Child, after another inquisitive youngster. Judy isn’t familiar with Rudyard Kipling’s “Just So” stories and thinks Ted’s nickname is demeaning.
Nicole, the HR Manager, spent last year’s holiday season trying to boost the morale of her co-workers. Unfortunately, the office parties flopped and morale is still lower than a snake’s belly. The festive season faded into the cold drudgery of first quarter and everyone is mad.
Keith tells Nicole that her co-workers are aware of how hard she’s worked for them. They want to thank her for her efforts on their behalf. Later that day a dozen yellow roses are delivered to her office, a gift from her co-workers.
HR Compliance Jungle 