Queen Bee

Another update from the Jungle….

Dan is a branch manager for his company and he’s coasting toward retirement. He lost interest in his current career long ago after several major battles with his assistant. Her name is Adelaide and officially she’s the executive assistant, but unofficially she’s been running the branch office since Jimmy Carter’s administration.

When Adelaide decides how things should be done, everyone agrees. If they don’t their careers take a nosedive, as Dan learned during his first year as branch manager. He came in full of ideas for improving efficiency but Adelaide decided the office was fine “as is”. After months of battling, she won and Dan began planning his post-retirement career.

Dan’s boss isn’t happy and he’s trying to figure out how to increase profits in Dan’s office. He decides to test a new whiz-bang software program in Dan’s office to see if it helps the bottom line. He notifies Dan that a vendor rep will arrive on Monday morning to train the staff on the new software. Dan passes the information to Adelaide.

Monday morning, the vendor rep shows up to begin the training. Adelaide sails into the conference room almost 30 minutes late and majestically informs the vendor rep to start over.

The vendor rep quickly recaps half of her scheduled 60-minute presentation. As she highlights each feature, she asks attendees to imagine how the feature can improve their efficiency.

The vendor rep soon notices that everyone is watching Adelaide. If she nods, the comments are positive. If she shakes her head, the others say they can’t use the software feature. It’s obvious that Adelaide would rather eat broken glass than adopt the new software. The vendor rep limps on to the end of her allotted time and wraps up the meeting. The vendor rep has promised to give a status report to Dan’s boss.

What kind of report could the vendor rep give to Dan’s boss?

She could lie and say the training went well, knowing her company has a big contract at stake.
She could say that Adelaide is determined to block the use of the new software.
She could decide to not give any report since she plans to ditch the sales career in favor of hanging out at the airport with the Hari Krishnas.

In the actual situation, the senior manager was angry that his pet project was shot down and he fired both the executive assistant and the branch manager. Unfortunately, he failed to follow the company’s written HR policies when he fired them; but that’s a different story.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.

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It Rhymes With Witch

Another update from the Jungle….

Once upon a time in a town not so far away, there lived a nice woman named Alanis. She liked her job and was always willing to learn from more experienced co-workers. Her boss loved her too and wrote embarrassingly glowing performance reviews.

But fairy tales aren’t the only places with evil beings. A wicked witch named Wanda also works in the office. Wanda’s not qualified to do the job Alanis was hired for but that doesn’t stop her from trying to take over. Wanda smiles in Alanis’ face even as she secretly sharpens her talons.

Wanda’s opportunity soon arrives. At a staff meeting, their boss, Julia, announces that the company is rolling out a new service and asks Alanis to take the lead for their department. Wanda’s death-ray glare bores into Alanis’ skull across the conference room table. After the meeting, Wanda loudly announces in the break room that the new project is doomed because Alanis is incompetent.

A week later, Alanis’ project notes mysteriously disappear from the system’s shared drive. Fortunately, she a printed copy first and is able to recreate her notes. She saves a copy of the new version on a thumb drive. Sure enough, the shared drive version disappears again.

At the next staff meeting, Julia asks why Alanis she doesn’t share information with the rest of the group. Alanis reports the mysterious deletions and asks that IT investigate the deletions. Julia looks at Wanda and then abruptly ends the meeting.

The next day, Julia calls Alanis to her office. Waiting in Julia’s office is Wanda. Julia says that she’s decided to appoint Wanda as co-chair of the project because it’s obviously too much for Alanis to do alone. Wanda smirks as she demands copies of all Alanis’ notes.

After that, Wanda changes the entire strategy so that their department misses deadlines set by Julia’s bosses. Wanda blames Alanis and complains about a lack of cooperation. Alanis is again called to Julia’s office where she is criticized for disloyalty and undermining the department. Julia says Alanis can resign or be fired.

What should Alanis do next?

She can continue to protest her innocence knowing she won’t win since a weak manager is as dangerous as a witch.
She can booby trap Wanda’s desk with eau de skunk.
She can resign and consult a lawyer about suing for constructive termination.

In the actual situation, the targeted employee resigned. Any office can develop an infestation of wicked witches if management is weak. Fumigate your workplace with effective HR policies.

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Paper Trails

Another update from the Jungle….

Stan’s been in business for five years. His employees are 20-somethings who like to work collaboratively and take lots of coffee breaks. Stan doesn’t understand why they want to live on healthy junk like kale while slurping gallons of coffee, but they’re happy. As long as the work is done and clients are happy, Stan is happy.

He never paid much attention to labor laws. He pays each worker a fixed amount each week and they work at their own pace. Ashley seems to get her best ideas at 2 a.m. Ryan and Carson work best as a team but need supervision to stay on task. His employees work at home, in coffee shops, and occasionally even show up to work in the office.

Then he hears about the new overtime rules that are effective on December 1st. Stan rapidly reviews his employees. A quick estimate demonstrates that most of his workers earn below the new salary threshold. Stan’s bottom line can’t take across the board salary increases. Besides, many of his workers couldn’t meet the duties test to be exempt.

That means most of his employees will need to be paid overtime if they work more than 40 hours a week. Stan mentally reviews his staff. None of them has ever completed a time sheet. Stan calls an “all hands” meeting like he does when a client has a short deadline.

He explains to his employees that they need to begin keeping track of their time. He also says that any overtime must be pre-approved. His office manager demonstrates how to use the new time-tracking software. Everyone nods like they understand.

In the first week, only two employees actually record their time each day. Ashley complains that she can’t remember to “clock in” when an idea strikes her at 2 in the morning. Ryan and Carson think they’re too valuable to the company to be penalized and they ignore the software completely. After a few weeks, Stan is furious.

What should Stan do next?

He can send a screeching email every Monday morning listing the offenders from the previous week.
He can assign all the worst performers to the most annoying client where they will all flame out together.
He can follow a progressive discipline policy that inexorably clears out the people who can’t or won’t follow the rules.

In the actual situation, the employer used a combination of the options outlined above to ensure compliance with the law. A few creative people were lost but the majority stayed and the company continued to grow successfully.

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Falling to Pieces

Another update from the Jungle….

Patsy was named for Patsy Cline and she has a pretty good singing voice. So she moved to Nashville with visions of international fame dancing through the lyrics in her head. She took the first job she could find while she pounded the pavement seeking a record contract.

She never landed a record contract and her last three employment gigs were as abbreviated as her open mic gigs. But her luck is about to change. She just got a job with a regional company that is distantly connected to the music business. Sure it involves doing boring stuff that she did at several of her previous jobs but she enters the new employer’s offices with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.

After a day with HR, filling out paperwork and learning about all the things that can get her fired, Patsy’s enthusiasm wavers. But she arrives early the next day determined to do well. The HR rep shows her where the bathroom is located and guides to her a rabbit-hutch sized cubicle. Then the HR rep abandons her to go deal with an HR crisis.

Patsy leans around the cubicle corner to ask Doris for a little assistance. Doris is on the phone. Rebecca, on her other side, clues Patsy in to a few basic procedures, such as which database takes which customer information. Patsy realizes from prior experiences that she’s just gone through “orientation” and she sets to work.

In the first week, almost all her work is rejected for a variety of reasons. Patsy tries to explain to co-workers that in her last job they did it this way. Her supervisor says in front of co-workers that she doesn’t care how the company’s main competitor does business.

Before her first paycheck, Patsy’s demoralized. As her probationary period ends, the HR rep tells Patsy that she’s being dropped because she “just doesn’t get it” and her co-workers think she’s whiny.

What should Patsy do next?

She can reach across the desk and slap the HR rep for not ensuring she received proper training.
She can leave quietly and bad-mouth the company on her Facebook page.
She can find a friend like Merle Haggard’s “Leonard” to help her until her singing career takes off.

The above scenario is a composite of many employers who expect to find ideal employees without investing in training. It’s a doomed process similar to seeking your life’s soulmate in a 2nd Avenue bar on Saturday night.

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Casual Wear Starts Today!

Another update from the Jungle….

It’s hot and getting hotter as summer blasts into the area. Employees are grumpy and frumpy because they’re sweating even with the air conditioning going full blast. Justin almost strangles when his tie catches in a portable fan as he leans over a co-worker’s desk to flirt. But help is on the way.

Dolores, the HR rep, has a clever plan to help her co-workers. The company is run by conservative guys in suits who want everyone to be as uncomfortable they are. But finally after years of negotiations, Dolores convinces the suits to allow casual wear during summer.

Dolores sends an email to her co-workers explaining the new policy. Privately, she congratulates herself on her negotiating skills. Alas, Dolores is a bit naïve about human nature even after years in the trenches of HR representation.

The first day of the new policy, Betty shows up in a sun dress that gives a new meaning to “sheer”. Dolores can’t help but notice when Betty crosses the room in front of the windows. Dolores orders Betty to stay away from the windows for the rest of the day and to hide from the suits. She makes a note in her special file that Betty could benefit from a long pointless training seminar at a great location like Buffalo in February or Houston in August.

The next day, Justin shows up in a golf shirt, plaid shorts and flip-flops. When Dolores says business casual does not mean flip-flops, he whips out her email and asks her to point to the part saying he can’t wear flip-flops. That afternoon Dolores adds another note in her special file to tell Justin’s boss that Justin is now ready to handle the most time consuming and difficult clients that can be found.

By the end of the first week, Dolores is depressed and disillusioned. The new casual wear policy could get her fired. She sits at home slumped in her favorite chair watching re-runs of the Andy Griffith Show as she ponders her next move.

What should Dolores do next?

She can recommend that the casual wear policy be rescinded since few co-workers are showing any common sense.
She can revise the policy to include an extensive and detailed list of what is “not appropriate”.
She can avoid making a decision by taking a long vacation in Antarctica to watch penguins waddle over the ice.

The above scenario is based on several actual incidents. In each case, the business casual policy was revised to add examples of acceptable attire.

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It Says So Right Here!

Another update from the Jungle….

Jane started her business after being downsized by her corporate employer. She knew she wanted her business to be different from the bureaucracy of her Big Biz employer and vowed to avoid the burden of written policies.

But as she adds employees it becomes clear that a lack of written policies is bad for the bottom line. No written policies allow Evan to claim that he doesn’t know he is supposed to start work at 8:30 am. He thinks showing up by 10 am is okay as long as he gets his work done.

Jane decides she needs something in writing. She digs out an old copy of Big Biz’s employee handbook. She customizes it by changing the employer’s name, correcting a few typos, and changing the font. Then she gives a copy to each employee and receives a signed acknowledgement from each employee.

None of the employees actually read the employee handbook, of course, until they need to. Evan reads the section on progressive discipline after Jane gives him a final written warning about his attendance.

Meanwhile, Audrey discovers she’s pregnant. She hauls out her copy of the handbook, which is propping up a corner of her desk, and unfolds it to read the section on the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). She tells Jane she wants to take FMLA leave to have her baby and asks for the leave request form.

Jane doesn’t have any FMLA forms. Her internet search eventually leads her to the U.S. Department of Labor (DOL) website where she learns the horrible truth about the FMLA. It applies to companies with more than 50 employees. Her Little Biz shop has 20 employees. The news is so disturbing that she drinks half a bottle of wine while she thinks about her options.

What should Jane do next?

She can collect every copy of the handbook and burn them in the parking lot knowing that most of her employees never read it.
She can tell Audrey that the FMLA section of the handbook is a mistake because that law doesn’t apply to Jane’s business.
She can grant FMLA leave to Audrey in accordance with the handbook policy. Then she can immediately revise the handbook to delete information about employment laws that don’t apply to her company.

The above scenario is a common problem for small business owners who lack familiarity with employment laws. The lack of familiarity can fix one problem while creating many more problems.

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Low Hanging Fruit

Another update from the Jungle….

Jack owns a small business which provides him with a good living. He owns a big house with a giant mortgage and he drives an Escalade. When he goes to the store, he parks in a handicap parking spot near the door so that everyone can see his ride.

Jack once worked for a major corporation where the HR director constantly nagged him about petty rules that he’d supposedly broken. After a few years of her nagging, Jack decided to be successful on his own.

Jack thinks his company runs smoother with fewer written rules so he doesn’t have any written HR policies. He also pays everyone a “salary” so he doesn’t have to track time and attendance. But he docks the pay of employees who show up late or miss work. His CPA, Susie, wants him to create job descriptions to distinguish between non-exempt and exempt employees. Jack tells her not to worry about it; he will tell her how much to pay each employee each pay period.

Last week, Susie attended a continuing education seminar which struck her with the force of a hurricane wind. She learned details of the new overtime rules. A presenter also said the Department of Labor (DOL) had stepped up enforcement actions against small employers. He used the phrase “low hanging fruit” so often that Susie temporarily gives up fresh fruit and vegetables.

Susie rushes home to prepare a summary of the new overtime rules and hand delivers it to Jack. Jack thanks her and privately thinks that Susie’s becoming a nag like the old HR director and it may be time to fire her.

This morning Jack arrives at his office to find a polite young man waiting to talk to him. The stranger says he’s a DOL examiner and he wants to see time sheets, payroll records and job descriptions for Jack’s employees.

What should Jack do next?

He can bluster at the DOL examiner to mind his own business.
He can beg the DOL examiner to give him time to fix his many problems in hopes of lowering the penalties his company will ultimately owe.
He can sneak out the back entrance, empty the corporate bank account and escape to a foreign country that has no diplomatic relations with the U.S.

In the actual situation, the employer woke up to his peril before the DOL examiner arrived on his doorstep. He had already implemented a plan to fix his HR problems which convinced the DOL examiner to show mercy when calculating the penalties.

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The Original Dream Team

Another update from the Jungle….

Alexander Hamilton is big news these days thanks to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Broadway musical. Miranda’s musical is an excellent introduction to a key member of the dream team that created our country. As July 4th approaches, it’s a good time to reflect on the dream team and on Hamilton.

Hamilton epitomizes so much of what it means to be an American. He was an immigrant who spoke several languages. He arrived in New York with no money and no family or friends, but plenty of ambition. He worked odd jobs while obtaining a college degree from what is now Columbia University and eventually became a successful lawyer in New York City.

Hamilton is the only truly self-made man among the founders of the U.S. The other founders including George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, James Madison, and John Jay were all from established families in the upper social tier of society.

These men (women were excluded) were the ultimate dream team, at least in hindsight. In real life, Hamilton was impetuous and impatient with people he thought mentally slower than himself. Adams was perpetually offended by anyone who disagreed with him. Jefferson rarely confronted anyone but egged on others to do the partisan sniping for him.

They held wildly different ideas about the type of government they wanted to create. They fought bitterly over state’s rights versus federal power and personal liberties versus state security. Rising above the often vicious disagreements was George Washington. He kept the team focused on their ultimate goal: to create a strong country that could take its place among other nations.

They were a dream team because after all the disagreements they compromised, creating checks and balances to distribute power between the federal and state governments and to protect the rights of citizens from governmental intrusion. Today we still fight bitterly over these same issues. But thanks to the original dream team, we have a political framework, the Constitution, which allows us to disagree without ripping our country apart.

As you celebrate July 4th salute the dream team that created the U.S.

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Fairness Doesn’t Matter

Another update from the Jungle….

Alyssa is a lawyer in the corporate legal department of her employer. She was hired because of the scope of her experience. Or so she was told. It doesn’t take Alyssa too long to figure out that her prior experience is irrelevant, even a handicap.

Alyssa is assigned to work with the HR department because the other lawyers don’t want to. She inherits a file cabinet full of pending EEOC discrimination claims. Another giant file cabinet contains investigation notes of employee theft cases. Apparently anything not too big or nailed down tight is carried off by employees.

Alyssa sees immediately that the employee problems arise from the attitude of the management team. Most of the senior managers are related to the owner and take their cue from him. He brags of paying rock bottom wages while simultaneously complaining that he’s stuck with stupid employees who lack initiative.

Alyssa’s prior experience with corporate risk programs leads her to believe that the company needs more insurance to cover employee problems. She recommends an increase in their employment practices liability insurance coverage. That’s when Alyssa’s own employment problems begin.

Alyssa receives an email from Tess, the company owner’s daughter and newest senior executive. Tess is a wicked witch who bullies subordinates with obscenity-laced tirades and hates anyone she suspects is more knowledgeable than her. Now Tess insists that she will make the final call on the new insurance limits.

Alyssa gives Tess a summary of the current insurance coverage, the recommended new limits, and the renewal deadline. Tess repeatedly asks for new quotes while ignoring the insurance broker’s and Alyssa’s reminders of the deadline for binding new coverage. Hours before the old coverage expires, Tess finally agrees to the new coverage limits.

The next day, Tess accuses Alyssa of endangering the company’s insurance program by deliberately delaying information from the insurance broker. When Alyssa points out that the insurance broker copied both of them on all emails, Tess launches into her usual obscenity-laden meltdown.

What should Alyssa do next?

She can continue arguing with Tess that the accusations are unfair and unjust but will never win the argument.
She can walk away from Tess and immediately make a complaint to the HR department about the bullying incident.
She can accept that she was never the right fit for the company and move on to a new employer.

In the actual situation, the accused employee used her employment law knowledge to negotiate a severance package and moved on to a happier workplace.

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You Want to Do What?

Another update from the Jungle….

Marcia is the HR manager for her company. She often feels that she’s in a never-ending battle to balance management and employee expectations. Managers think employees lack loyalty to the company. Employees think the company doesn’t care about them; their most recent proof is the giant increase in employee contributions for health insurance.

Marcia endures almost daily requests from managers begging her to find ways to build employee morale and loyalty. Occasionally managers come up with their own morale building ideas. Some of the kookiest ideas come from Roger, her least favorite manager.

Roger likes to search the internet for management techniques that he can implement with his subordinates. His bosses like his initiative because they aren’t directly affected by his actions. Roger’s bosses also don’t see him every day and so are unaware of his general obnoxiousness.

Roger’s subordinates, meanwhile, suffer through meetings where he drones on about the latest management theories while incessantly snapping his pen or drumming his fingers on the table, his coffee mug, or his chair arm. Roger also thinks he’s invisible when making bodily adjustments, something his female subordinates find particularly gross and disgusting.

Roger’s latest internet research leads him to 360 performance reviews. He reads the reviews about building team spirit and ignores the commentary cautioning that corporate culture can affect the outcome. The next day he marches into Marcia’s office to demand 360 performance reviews for his people.

Marcia stares at Roger in blank amazement. He isn’t obviously insane so she decides to give to him exactly what he’s asked for. She can’t resist chortling privately as she hands out the forms to each employee.

A couple of weeks later Marcia reads what Roger’s employees have to say about him. As expected, they’ve vented their frustrations about his annoying personal habits and being treated as lab rats for his management theories. The reviews are so brutal she feels sorry for him. She invites Roger to her office for a private chat.

What should Marcia say to him?

1. She can soften the blow to Roger’s ego by giving him an edited summary of what his employees think of him.

2. She can give him the unedited results and watch his ego deflate.

3. She can tell him that his brilliance is wasted at a branch location and encourage him to apply for a job at headquarters.

The old adage to “be careful what you wish for” applies to business as well as individuals. HR policies are most successful when they are carefully considered before being implemented.

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	Mae on Halloween Horror
	Mae on Freedom from Rules
	Genie Herron on Where Is He?
	Norma Shirk on Whose Side Are You On?
	Pat Brewer Hairston on Whose Side Are You On?

Another update from the Jungle….

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