Another update from the Jungle…..
Gene is mad as heck and he no longer cares who knows it. He slouches through the office emitting a fog of discontent as toxic as a radiation leak. Gene has always been hot-headed and stubborn, so it took a couple of weeks before his co-workers realized something is different this time.
Gene’s attitude cratered a couple of weeks ago when he had another run-in with his manager, Eric. Eric is almost as hot-headed and stubborn as Gene and they’ve clashed endlessly. If they would each take a moment to think before speaking, their differing skills would make them a great team. At least, that’s what the HR manager, Jan, believes.
She’s spent so much time counseling them and resolving their bickering that she’s sick of both of them. Of course, an HR manager can never admit that, so Jan continues smiling through gritted teeth. But she’s on constant alert for the next explosion.
The explosion duly comes at this morning’s staff meeting. Eric announces a new project and asks for suggestions on how to most efficiently complete the project. At first, no one says a word as they try to decide if Eric is actually interested in their suggestions or just following a technique learned in his recent manager training.
Gene looks at his co-workers, looks at Eric, and then launches into his suggestions for completing the new project. As he talks, Eric’s jaw clenches and he takes a deep breath, preparatory to blasting Gene’s suggestions into orbit.
Before Eric runs out of breath, Gene jumps up, knocking his chair into Dean’s elbow, causing Dean to spill his coffee. Dean leaps to his feet cursing fluently and swatting ineffectually at the coffee splotches on his slacks.
Gene bellows, “You’ve insulted me for the last time. I quit!” He rips off his security ID badge and hurls it onto the table where it skitters into a water bottle knocking it over before bouncing up to ricochet off a light fixture. Bodies lunge in all directions to avoid the ID badge and the water shower. Gene stalks out the door of the conference room.
Eric bolts from the conference room straight into Jan’s office. He glares at her, chest heaving and announces that he wants to fire Gene before the SOB can quit.
What options are available to Jan?
- She can suggest that Eric and Gene settle their differences in the octagon ring like a couple of UFC fighters.
- She can rejoice knowing that she’ll be free of their petty bickering because, one way or another, Gene is leaving.
- She can begin the termination process and then meet with Gene to explain the consequences of a voluntary resignation.
When co-workers can’t get along, larger companies may be able to transfer one of the feuding pair to another department. Small employers often need to decide which employee is most valuable to the company and then terminate the other person’s employment.
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Helen sat in her boss’ office stoically waiting for him to wind down from his latest temper tantrum.
She has been trying to fix employee morale. Her first suggestion, a tuition reimbursement plan, caused Henry to erupt like a Yellowstone geyser.
That’s how it’s gone for six months.
Last week, Fred found another opportunity for advancement.
Marsha is so wrapped up in talking about the wonderful qualities of CBD oils that she sometimes forgets important deadlines. Two weeks ago, Wayne had to pour several scotches into the owner of a key client during an expensive dinner to convince him not to fire Wayne’s company. 
He can join Marsha as a latter day hippie and begin acting groovy.
The policy requires employees to include a statement that Wesley is a brilliant and inspiring boss and the employee is privileged to work for and learn from him. 
post and reserving the right to monitor employees’ social media for violations of the policy.
Recovering her composure, Janice explains that until the big break arrives, Millie may want to learn a few things about her current job.
Sarah sat at her desk and pondered how she’d get rid of the body after she kills her youngest team member. The dumpster behind the building is a no-go; the police always dumpster dive for clues like dead bodies. There’s no swamp nearby either where she can hide the body. Sarah sighed.
Sarah has always offered a lot of freedom to her staff because she believes that gets the creative juices flowing. But there’s a limit. So immediately after the client meeting, Sarah explained the importance of not disagreeing with the person who signs your paycheck, especially in front of clients. Taylor mumbled a sort of apology.
Bettysue loves the holiday season but this year she’s frustrated. Her children are grown and have other plans so they won’t be coming home. Her husband just says, “sure, honey, whatever” when she asks his opinion. Her husband has long-since concluded that the secret to their marriage is to keep his mouth shut, stock up on suitable beverages, and hide in his man-cave until after the Super Bowl game.
Bettysue’s coworkers have enthusiastically joined in because decorating beats working any day of the week. Now miniature menorahs, fake Yule logs, and a plastic Christmas tree create a fire hazard in the elevator lobby. A Kwanzaa fruit broom serves as a seasonal centerpiece in the middle of the conference room table.
However, most of Bettysue’s time at work is devoted to buying things online. Her Amazon Prime deliveries now exceed regular business deliveries to her employer. FedEx, UPS, and the post office have offered to set up a mini hub at the building to handle the volume of deliveries.
Craig decided he couldn’t face another office party with the same old cheese log and Ritz crackers and Dirty Santa game. So he told Helen, the HR manager, that he made an executive decision as the company owner to try a different sort of party. 
At the first distillery, AJ disappears. Helen eventually finds him out back of the building sharing a hand-rolled cigarette with a distillery employee. AJ says the employee is his cousin. Helen drags him back to the tour to sample the whiskey. Craig buys four bottles.
Helen makes an executive decision to cancel the remainder of the tour. She herds everyone back to the bus. Lenny is singing obscene sea shanties. Helen makes a mental note to ask IT to audit his internet activity so she can find out what Lenny’s really been doing at work. 
Once upon a time, an inexperienced HR Manager named Katie suggested to the company owner Phil that they have a Halloween party. Phil remembered past office parties and hesitated to risk the company’s liability insurance premiums on another such event. It’ll boost morale, assured Katie, and so, Phil said yes.
Katie says she’ll think about it and shoos Misty away. Katie slumps at her desk wondering whether the EEOC considers white witches a protected religious group. While she’s cogitating on religious freedom in the workplace, Wade shows up. He says office parties are stupid and he won’t participate. If the company wants to boost his morale, he’d prefer cash.
Ray shows up at the party dressed as an Aztec sacrificial victim with a fake heart poking out of his chest, dripping fake blood. Ray doesn’t understand why Moises, a Mexican-American, thinks the costume is culturally insensitive. Katie dashes toward them intent on preventing a fight but rocks to a halt when she catches sight of Alan. Alan had arrived wrapped in a blanket, wearing an Indian war bonnet with psychedelic pink feathers.
Before Katie can indulge in hysterics, she discovers that AJ, the scary guy from IT, has a fetish for knives and marijuana-laced brownies. Since marijuana is now legal in some states, “What’s the big deal?” says AJ, snatching the tray from Katie before she can dispose of the brownies.
HR Compliance Jungle 