Another update from the Jungle…..
Charlotte marched into the office determined to be cheerful. She turned on her computer and then trudged to the break room for a cup of coffee. Fortified with caffeine, she sat down to read her emails. The opening sentence of the first email left her snarling. That vicious little twerp!
The email was from her co-worker, Hannah, asking Charlotte to send a packet of information to a customer. Her email implied that Hannah was once again saving a customer relationship. Naturally the email was copied to their supervisor, Cassie.
Charlotte was furious. She had been working with that customer for months and had hand delivered the same packet of material several weeks earlier. She was scheduled for a follow up meeting with the customer tomorrow. She would have explained all that if Hannah had talked to her. But Hannah rarely coordinated her activities with Charlotte even though their projects often overlapped.
The dupes in the office thought Hannah was sweet and helpful; they would never believe she intentionally screwed a co-worker. Hannah didn’t fool Charlotte who recognized Hannah’s symptoms from an earlier point in her own career. Hannah was young, insecure and she craved approval so that she could feel indispensable.
After re-reading the email several times, Charlotte decided to wait to knock Hannah into orbit. Charlotte’s years of experience in office politics made her realize that she’d only sound petty and bitchy if she complained. She could be patient like a lion lurking in the tall grass waiting for lunch to trot by.
Later that morning at a staff meeting, Hannah droned on as usual reporting all her activities in excruciating detail. Charlotte day dreamed about non-lethal ways to settle the score with the nincompoop. Homemade fudge laced with laxative might hurt others. Boiling oil would ruin the carpet. Maybe she could accidentally trip Hannah as they left the conference room.
Then she heard her name and blinked away such pleasantries. Hannah was sanctimoniously reminding everyone in the room that she had asked Charlotte to follow up with the customer. Cassie smiled fondly at Hannah and turned to raise an eyebrow to Charlotte.
What options are available to Charlotte?
- She could sarcastically explain that if Hannah ever bothered talking to her, the idiot would know Charlotte was already taking care of the customer.
- She could start a catfight with Hannah to entertain their co-workers who had grown bored with the celebrity feuds on the internet.
- She could recognize that Hannah’s misbehavior arose from fear and insecurity and let it go.
Every workplace has insecure people who build themselves up by tearing down others. Rather than testing the limits of the workplace violence policy, use emotional intelligence to recognize the root cause of their obnoxious behavior so that you can calibrate your response appropriately.
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Gene is mad as heck and he no longer cares who knows it. He slouches through the office emitting a fog of discontent as toxic as a radiation leak.
The explosion duly comes at this morning’s staff meeting. Eric announces a new project and asks for suggestions on how to most efficiently complete the project. At first, no one says a word as they try to decide if Eric is actually interested in their suggestions or just following a technique learned in his recent manager training. 
Gene bellows, “You’ve insulted me for the last time. I quit!”
Helen sat in her boss’ office stoically waiting for him to wind down from his latest temper tantrum.
She has been trying to fix employee morale. Her first suggestion, a tuition reimbursement plan, caused Henry to erupt like a Yellowstone geyser.
That’s how it’s gone for six months.
Last week, Fred found another opportunity for advancement.
Marsha is so wrapped up in talking about the wonderful qualities of CBD oils that she sometimes forgets important deadlines. Two weeks ago, Wayne had to pour several scotches into the owner of a key client during an expensive dinner to convince him not to fire Wayne’s company. 
He can join Marsha as a latter day hippie and begin acting groovy.
The policy requires employees to include a statement that Wesley is a brilliant and inspiring boss and the employee is privileged to work for and learn from him. 
post and reserving the right to monitor employees’ social media for violations of the policy.
Recovering her composure, Janice explains that until the big break arrives, Millie may want to learn a few things about her current job.
Sarah sat at her desk and pondered how she’d get rid of the body after she kills her youngest team member. The dumpster behind the building is a no-go; the police always dumpster dive for clues like dead bodies. There’s no swamp nearby either where she can hide the body. Sarah sighed.
Sarah has always offered a lot of freedom to her staff because she believes that gets the creative juices flowing. But there’s a limit. So immediately after the client meeting, Sarah explained the importance of not disagreeing with the person who signs your paycheck, especially in front of clients. Taylor mumbled a sort of apology.
Bettysue loves the holiday season but this year she’s frustrated. Her children are grown and have other plans so they won’t be coming home. Her husband just says, “sure, honey, whatever” when she asks his opinion. Her husband has long-since concluded that the secret to their marriage is to keep his mouth shut, stock up on suitable beverages, and hide in his man-cave until after the Super Bowl game.
Bettysue’s coworkers have enthusiastically joined in because decorating beats working any day of the week. Now miniature menorahs, fake Yule logs, and a plastic Christmas tree create a fire hazard in the elevator lobby. A Kwanzaa fruit broom serves as a seasonal centerpiece in the middle of the conference room table.
However, most of Bettysue’s time at work is devoted to buying things online. Her Amazon Prime deliveries now exceed regular business deliveries to her employer. FedEx, UPS, and the post office have offered to set up a mini hub at the building to handle the volume of deliveries.
Craig decided he couldn’t face another office party with the same old cheese log and Ritz crackers and Dirty Santa game. So he told Helen, the HR manager, that he made an executive decision as the company owner to try a different sort of party. 
At the first distillery, AJ disappears. Helen eventually finds him out back of the building sharing a hand-rolled cigarette with a distillery employee. AJ says the employee is his cousin. Helen drags him back to the tour to sample the whiskey. Craig buys four bottles.
Helen makes an executive decision to cancel the remainder of the tour. She herds everyone back to the bus. Lenny is singing obscene sea shanties. Helen makes a mental note to ask IT to audit his internet activity so she can find out what Lenny’s really been doing at work. 
HR Compliance Jungle 